Link to my podcast. Feel free to listen to me babble about my allergies and how I believe in changing perspectives.
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"You didn' t mean to do it, " he said softly. "But if anyone wants to know, that's what happened." With that, he squeezed my shoulder to comfort me and I was left to wallow in my guilt. I focused my eyes on my old sneakers, my thoughts increasing in volume. I didn't mean to do it. I felt my hands shake with fear as the weight of reality dropped onto my fragile shoulders. I couldn't keep this secret forever. Most siblings argue but here I was, lucky to have a brother that would actually cover for me. However, I couldn't bare the thought of what Dad would do when he found out that his most prized possession had been destroyed--Mom's glass vase. How foolish of me to think that it would be okay to run around inside the house. I was terrified but not for myself, for George. My anxiety grew with the thought of Dad's reaction. He would explode. I know he missed Mom, we all did. George laid out a plan: He was going to take full responsibility. The dog had gotten in through the back door on accident. It was his fault the door was open. The dog had run around in distress, bumping into tables and of course, the table with the vase tumbled to the ground. I wanted to open my mouth, to emit words and tell him, "No. You don't have to cover for me. I'll deal with it." But the words shriveled up in my mouth. I nodded and squeezed George. Surprised by my affection, he froze but eventually relaxed. He patted my head. "It'll be okay." His voice cracked. If I had seen his eyes, I knew they would have been wide with fear. And at that moment, the front door swung open and in stumbled Dad. I squeezed my eyes shut.
One humid day in July, Leah heard rumbling. The large U-Haul trucks parked outside indicated a new neighbor. From the comfort of her bedroom window, Leah watched the family unpack their lives into the brick house adjacent to hers. She watched a man and his daughter push boxes through the front door. Rushing down the stairs, Leah made herself useful and offered to help. On a wheelbarrow, she placed a jar of cookies and a few cups of lemonade. Quickly and carefully, she wheeled them out to her new neighbors. There she met Cassie, a girl that hid behind her bangs. Cassie's eyes focused on her feet as she hid behind the legs of her father. Reaching out, Leah gestured towards the cookie in her hand. Hesitantly, little Cassie accepted and took a small bite. At once they clicked and giggled as they struggled to move the massive boxes into the house. After hours of lifting and dropping, the girls bonded over their snacks in a wheelbarrow. That day sparked the beginning of a long friendship. The girls became best friends. Cassie had once been a shy girl but Leah brought out the best in her. Over the years, the girls grew confident and stuck by each other's side. However, during freshman year, they experienced a shift. Cassie was different. High school was a new beginning. It was an age for maturity. Taking advantage of this, Leah joined many clubs and formed new friendships. Cassie, however, stayed put. She watched as her best friend grew closer to others. Truthfully, she couldn't stand it. Leah shortly noticed the change in Cassie's personality. Suddenly, the girl that knew her every secret grew quieter. Cassie was over it. She hated the distance she was feeling.
"It was so funny, you should've seen Anna's face!" Leah laughed, recalling what happened during lunch. Cassie's face stayed expressionless. Noticing her behavior, Leah awkwardly stopped. "So...you're friends with Anna now?" Cassie asked, her dark eyes focused on her shoes. Leah's eyebrows furrowed. "I mean...yeah." She watched Cassie's face. "...Is that a problem or something?" "I'm not jealous. Chill out." "I never said you were?" The girls sat in silence for a few seconds. "Am I not allowed to have other friends?" Cassie rolled her eyes. "I thought we were best friends but you're suddenly best friends with everyone else!" Leah's blood began to boil. "Cassie, we are best friends. I just have other friends now too, alright?" "You're different now, Leah. You've...changed. I've got to go." Cassie stood, swinging her bag onto her shoulder. "Whoa whoa, let's talk about thi--" "Save it." And with that, Cassie Smith walked away, leaving Leah speechless. The next week was spent with Leah trying to reach out to her best friend and neighbor. Texts were left on read. The curtains were kept drawn. Conversations was avoided. No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow. The procedure was simple: brush teeth furiously prior to the appointment and jab at my gums with floss. Dentist appointments were nothing foreign to me. As the car pulled into the driveway of the office, my eyes glanced at the all-too-familiar red-lipped, perfect toothed sign reading, “Simply Beautiful Smiles.” I waltzed through the glass doors of the office, the warm air embracing me from the winter temperatures outside. I suppressed a wheeze and greeted the ladies at the counter. At once, the scent of a peppermint candle invaded my nose before invading my lungs. In their black scrubs, they smiled their perfect smiles back. I plopped into a cushioned chair and observed the holiday decorations. Draped along the counter, stockings adorned in glitter glue clung onto a wire of lights. Michael Buble’s voice floated throughout the tiny waiting room, filling the silence. Before long, a “Dela Cruz?” was called and my dad glanced up from his phone and joked, “Hope you don’t have any cavities!” I rolled my eyes and followed the woman past cubicles of patients.
I walked passed high pitched drilling noises and other machinery on my way to a cubicle. Again, I plopped into another leather seat. Awkwardly, the lady asked me about life and I responded just as awkwardly, saying life was “good” when it was honestly mediocre—but she didn’t need to know that. “I need to take some x-ray pictures of your teeth,” she informed after dropping a weighted blanket onto my chest. She handed me a pair of sunglasses and clipped a paper bib around my neck, the cool chains sending shivers down my back. She instructed me to bite down onto a piece of plastic. The plastic jabbed into the roof of my mouth, the discomfort causing unintentional tears to pool at my eyes. The process would be found under the definition of “uncomfortable.” Afterward, she flipped a switch and the radiant light of the lamp above blinded me. “Deb will be here soon,” she said, and with that, she was gone. Left squinting, I directed my attention towards my cubicle. The walls were occupied by gingivitis posters and before and after pictures of more perfect teeth. I peered into the tray beside my head at all of the hooks and pointy metals. Before I could observe more, “Deb” the dentist walked in. She smiled with perfect teeth and yet again engaged in another awkward conversation. I wore the plastic sunglasses and felt the vibrations of the chair as I was lowered. Deb reached for the tray, the metallic tools clanging against each other. I sat patiently, allowing Deb to scrape and poke at my teeth. I stared at the ceiling, avoiding all eye contact. I pondered about what dentists thought when cleaning teeth and before I could proceed, my thoughts were interrupted by the vacuum-like tool in my mouth. “Bite down,” she said. The tool hummed. “...and open.” She continued cleaning, applying a minty paste to her brush. “So how are you doing Mikaela?” Though her hands were very well inside my mouth, I attempted to respond with a hum. Why do dentists always ask questions when their hands are in my mouth? I then noticed she was concentrated on my bottom left tooth. After more pokes and scraping, I felt my insides twist with anxiety. I watched Deb glance at my x-ray photos. I did the same, although I had no idea what I was looking at. She stood up, saying she’d be back. I felt my eyes widen as I stared at my x-ray photo. This had never happened before. What reason was there for Deb to leave and look that concerned? Dad’s voice echoed in my head along with all of the sugary candy I had ever eaten. “Well, it looks like you have a cavity, Missy.” Never in my life have I ever gotten a cavity. The condescending “Missy” made me feel even more embarrassed. Alas, in the corner of my mouth, lodged between two molars, was a minuscule cavity. The dentist’s words lingered in my brain as I laid back in the chair. Cotton balls clogged my cheeks. I watched nervously as he brought a needle towards my mouth. The sharp pinch in my gums stung but faded just as quickly into nothing. I watched as he drilled into a tooth deep down in the abyss of my mouth, dust floating in the air. I cringed out of disgust, feeling a cool sensation despite the numbness of the shot. It was as if ice cubes were in my mouth. A bitter substance was placed on the poor tooth. It had a sour kick to it and I had to physically prevent myself from gagging. That day was the last time I ever had a cavity. Never in my life will I ever binge eat candy and not brush like crazy afterward. The Hershey Kisses and Haribo Gummy Bears are not worth the cavity. Reds and oranges danced in the Autumn breeze. The branches of the trees that circled my house were becoming more bare with every sunset and sunrise. However, some had managed to grasp a hold of their green. The temperatures were dropping, the chill leaving impressions of pink on my nose and cheeks. My breath was visible and it swirled in front of my eyes before fading. After running home from the bus stop after a day of kindergarten, Mom would be in the kitchen preparing my favorite dish. Curiously, I watched as she buttered the pan. A blue flame caressed the bottom of the pan, the metal heating quickly. The butter in the pan began to sizzle, bubbles erupting onto its surface. The dense fragrance of butter permeated through the kitchen, inching its way to every corner of the house. Mom pulled out two slices of bread, placing them in the pan. The sizzling continued. I pulled my attention away from the pan and focused it on the Disney movie playing on TV. Mom sliced a block of cheddar cheese and placed it on the bread and placed a cover onto the pan. Similarly to my breath in the cold air, the steam inside danced and flowed. Before I knew it, the glass lid was lifted and in the pan was a masterpiece. The dish was displayed before me. It glowed a golden brown. Melted cheese oozed between the slices of perfection. Immediately, I took a bite, emitting a loud crunch. It tasted like love. It tasted like comfort. Mom sat beside me at the table, the two of us enjoying our grilled cheeses on a pretty Autumn day.RED
When I think of the first color of the rainbow I'm reminded of my favorite fruit: bright red and sweet strawberries. I then think of honey crisp apples and pink lady apples. I'm brought back to the day my mom and I decided to try the apples at Acme instead of the farmer's market. We laughed about spending $2 per apple when we could have gotten a whole bag of apples for the same price. I think of Kladinne's graduation/birthday party, decked out in Temple's cherry red colors. My thoughts are brought back to the day I realized I would no longer see her every weekend. I remembered the shock I felt when I realized she was a legal adult now. That was a weird feeling, seeing a girl I've known since I was five as an adult. Red reminds me of Taylor Swift's album, despite me not being a huge fan of her music. However, I will not deny having "I Knew You Were Trouble," "22," and "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together," stuck in my head for months. Those days were simpler. There was little to stress over. I had just gotten Chuchay and my little brother, Ethan had reached one year of life. Red brings me back. Cindy Smith, 46. Mother of two.
Usually, I keep to myself. Well actually I don't but that's besides the point. The point is, I am honest. I say what needs to be said when it needs to be said. My kids think I complain too much but is there anything wrong with preference and comfort? Didn't think so. We were at Applebee's. Our waitress was young--basically a child, but her arm was littered with tattoos. Not ladylike at all. I had asked for a raspberry iced tea, lemon on the side. The lemon was in the drink so of course, I had to send it back. The order was incorrect. When my grilled chicken Caesar salad came out, I was just so disappointed. How could such a fine eating establishment ruin a salad this bad? The lettuce itself was soggy. This was not the fresh salad I was anticipating. Then, I noticed that my son's steak was medium well--but it wasn't well enough. Both plates were sent back. I was furious. Laney Santos, 18. Waitress at Applebee's. I'd take pride in saying that I can handle virtually anything. I do not stress easily. I deal with people that leave tips of only a dollar. It's probably my biggest pet peeve but I get over it. However, today I was tested. I was really tested by some woman today at work. I've dealt with every customer you could name, but this woman? She must have been acting terribly on purpose. I could not deal with her attitude! She complained to me about every order. Did she not know I wasn't the cook? She sent back a drink because the lemon was inside the drink and not on the side. Who does that? Then, she complained her salad was soggy after eating half of it. Then she complained about her son's food despite him saying it was fine. She later began to act snappy, every word practically dripping with venom. Never in my life have I struggled to bite my tongue. Afterwards, she left no tip. If it was up to me, she would be banned from Applebee's. "You don't want it anymore? Fine."
He watched as she reached in and ripped it right out, reclaiming what was once his. Now she wasn't sure whose it was. The shattered pieces and damage rendered it difficult to recognize. Was this really hers? She could no longer visualize what it used to look like. The pain was enveloping her senses. Her nose began to sting and her eyes blurred. "Don't be like this," he began, reaching for the object in her hands. She stepped back. "Come on...We can work through this--" "No. I don't think we can." "You're being stubborn." "I'm hurt." He stayed silent, the guilt in his eyes evident. He didn't know what to say. He didn't mean to hurt her so bad, but he had to follow his heart, too. The love had faded. Clearly, this was not a mutual feeling. Maybe it was now. Dear Mika from the Past,
You are currently ten years old. You were ecstatic to be "double digits" because all you have ever wanted to do is grow up. You dreamt of driving although the idea frightened you. You dreamed of your first job and the money you would use to buy the toys you never had. You had so many thoughts about the future. Many of the things you thought about came true. Many of the people you thought would be in your life forever have left. This all may sound crazy, but if there's one thing I've learned, it is that it will all get better. The rest of your life holds so much more. Everything is truly going to be okay. I am 16 now. In the span of six years, many things have changed. The long hair you swore you'd never cut again (ever since that ugly haircut in second grade) has been chopped. You donated it to children with cancer and it was cut by two people you do not know yet, but will be important to you in the future. As of now, you have not met your best friend yet. You'll meet her in 6th grade P.E. In a few years when you download social media, you'll meet Chip from the other elementary school. You will not know about Evan until 7th grade chorus. Many of your elementary friends are no longer your best friends. Though this may sadden you, don't worry. They are all still in your life. Soon you will meet Chuchay and you'll love her to death. Next year (when you're in 4th grade) you will join your first musical. You are going to love it and when you get to high school, you'll love theater even more. Shocker, but your friends aren't going to be limited to girls. You'll realize that not every boy has cooties. You'd never imagine the friends I have today. Your differences are what bring you closer together and you'll love them very much. With all this joy comes pain. There are many unexpected things that occurred during our six year gap. You are living in 2013. The year prior, Lolo was diagnosed with liver cancer but you didn't know it then. He was cleared after a surgery. Spend all the time you can with him. Savor every single time you drive together. Cherish every meal you share at Wendy's and the times you listen to KYW News Radio. Spearmint Extra gum will forever be your favorite gum. As well as with Lolo, give Hershey all your love. When Chuchay comes around, everyone is excited. Don't forget about Hershey. Give her all the tummy rubs and pets and treats in the world. She was the biggest sweetheart. As I have said, I'm 16 now. I've started driving which probably sounds crazy but yeah. I don't have a job YET but I'm planning on getting one as soon as I get my license in March. I love theater and I love my friends. Right now I'm struggling with chemistry but I think it will get better later. Vine is no longer a thing but tik tok is. Mario Kart is also popular right now--yes, it's an app. I know you're going to do great things. Hopefully I continue to do the same. I'm excited to meet you. All my love, Mika from the Future |
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